Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Weirdest Story Of 2015 - Tristan

I Don't Want To Write This
The story of a mentally challenged princess

images-3.jpegOnce upon a time, in a wondrous land far far away, there lived a young - Okay, okay, lets cut the crap and get to the point. So there's some red head chick, supposedly a princess, who lives in a pile of bricks claimed as a castle, out in the middle of no where. She wears some stupid cardboard tiara, she colored in with crayons, she’s obsessed with this purple dress of hers, and her eyes look like that of a half starved puppy. She pretty much lives in her room, with some random scribbles basically covering the bright pink wall paper. Her name was Princess Amy, and in case you haven't noticed by now, she’s as troubled as one can get.

Image result for royal bedroomThe King took in a large breath, before slowly pushing the large door open, the reinforced iron scraping against the floor. “ Joe! “ He bellowed at his slave. “ Yes my lord “ He said, before quite obviously cursing under his breath. “ Shut your mouth boy, before I lock you in a room with that stupid girl of ours. Now go fetch the builders and tell them to fix this forsaken door! “. His eyes widening with horror, at the thought of being locked in a room with the princess, sent the slave dashing down the corridor. Somehow, whenever we chucked some fool in that room of hers, they just don’t come back out. Its become a quite popular execution throughout the kingdom. Clearing his mind, the King stepped gracefully through the door calling “ How are you feeling my honey poo? “. There was a long, awkward wait, and just as the King was about to repeat himself, he heard a creaky voice call “ Dead “. “ Oh well, i'm sure you’ll feel a lot better soon “ The King called, as a few guards stomped into the room. Before the King could question it, the queen called “ They’re my body guards “. With a grunt, he said “ As I just said, i'm sure its nothing major. You’ll be fine “. Hearing her grunt of disapproval, the King turned to leave, and found himself confronted by the doctor. “ She’s not going to make it my lord. She’s very ill, sickly and old “. The king just stood there, before reaching slowly out, as if to put his hand on the doctor's shoulder. He proceeded to slap him in the face. “ Negativity! “ He shouted, summoning some guards. As the metal goons stomped down the corridor, at least half of them tripping on their swords. As they finally came to a wonky stop, freezing in a solute position after shouting “SIR”. The doctor, was smirking as if he was about to burst with laughter, and slowly said in between huge breaths, with a cheesy smile “ What I meant to…..say was that she will die, if I can’t go fetch some medicine from a….er…..nearby village! “. The King stared for a moment before saying “ That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard “. He turned to the guards, for what seemed like hours, before snarling in some sort of demonic voice “ Act like its funny you backstabbing morons “. The guards all burst into a fake laughter, and when the King turned, smirking, he saw the doctor's coat quickly disappear around the corner, followed closely by the sound of a horse and carriage moving quickly away. “ Sir, I think he’s escaping “ One of the knights said. The King stood there, a large frown spreading across his face, as he began twitching the guards slowly backed off. The King went red in the face, and screamed at the pitch of a furious little girl “ Go get him you imbeciles! What do I pay you for!? “. The guards scattered away, once again tripping up, as one of them called “ I haven't seen my paycheck in seven years sir! “. The King didn’t respond. Turning back to his wife's room, he peeked in. He stood there for a few minutes, before the queen called “ I see you numb skull! “. The King walked in silently ( Until he released a huge burp ) The queen sighed, and said “ I won’t make it moron. Just do me a favor and find a successor. That daughter of ours is sick in the head, and you know it “. Silently, the King nodded, before quickly adding in “ I’ll do it for ten bucks “. “ Deal “ Came the queen's quick reply, as she handed him the blue note.
Image result for ten dollar note
I'm aware this isn't money from the 1800's. In case you didn't guess this story makes no sense.

Image result for bloody cleaverAmy looked out her window, throwing a skull lamely out and into the hedges. Hearing footsteps, she quickly ducked down behind the window, and the voice of her father came, along with shocked gasps from what was likely his knights. “ Looks like she made quick work of that doctor sir “ Came an unknown voice. As the group continued to talk below, Amy thought about that man they’d locked in her room last night. She’d decided to play catch with him - With knives. Lost in thought, she shook the memory from her head. She wanted to hear what her father was saying! Maybe he’d actually say he cared for her! But what she heard, was totally different. He said “ The queen is going to die, and we must find a successor. We can’t have the she devil up there ruling the kingdom. “. “ What about you “? A voice cut in. “ We all know a female must take the primary role of ruling the kingdom. Its just….how it works here. Any way “ The king proceeded “ If we don’t find a successor, and get her back here before the queen dies, we’re done. “ As the group galloped off on their horses, Amy stood, walking out of her room, with a huge, cheesy grin. “ If that's how you really feel father “ She murmured to herself, picking up a large, bloody cleaver…

Image result for armored dragonThe King burst through the castle doors, rushing to the throne room. “ I'm just a peasant girl “ The ragged figure shouted as he dragged her through the hallway. “ You’re about to be a princess genius! “ As he dragged the protesting girl towards the throne room, the kings jaw hit the ground. Amy sat in the throne, with the queen's corpse lying at her feet. Two of the biggest palace dragons stood at her side, and she began laughing maniacally. “ Looks like the queen died before you could return “ She smirked, gesturing to the dragon knight beside her. “ Execute them “ she snarled, as the two dragons reared, screeching, and charged forward. The King screamed, as a huge wave of fire consumed him, and everything went dark.

Two Days Later

Image result for burning village

Amy watched, laughing, as dragons swooped down across the castle village, sending waves of fire hurtling at the wooden houses below. The fire crackled, it s smoke turning the sky dark. Screams came from the peasants living there, as they ran from their houses, dragging their frightened children. With a large grin, Amy took off her cardboard tiara, tearing it in half. Then, lifting up the golden crown, she placed it on her head...
Image result for gold crown


  1. OK.... that's one interesting story

  2. Your story is quite "unique" if I were to put it mildly, but I quite like your description and the detail.

  3. Your story is quite "unique" if I were to put it mildly, but I quite like your description and the detail.

  4. Your story is quite "unique" if I were to put it mildly, but I quite like your description and the detail.

  5. Your story is quite "unique" if I were to put it mildly, but I quite like your description and the detail.

    1. Where do you guys get all of this creative, original and diverse feedback?

  6. Im not going to say the same thing Tristan, but I like the beggining. I mispelled that, and that. Keep up the good work.

  7. Im not going to say the same thing Tristan, but I like the beggining. I mispelled that, and that. Keep up the good work.